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Take me out to the ball game

July 29, 2010
Take me out to the ball game

Guelph Mercury, 07/28/10 Let’s hear it for the Cambridge Cubs. The upstart junior team one town over has the gumption to play (gasp) baseball. Ever heard of it? It’s a game of wooden bats, balls and strikes, and the Cubs are trying to reverse years of its decline in these parts. Not everyone has...
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A youth pill? Sold!

July 27, 2010
A youth pill? Sold!

Guelph Mercury, 10/07/21 An anti-aging pill? Really? Yep. Scientists think they’re on the verge of breakthroughs that could help us live until we’re well into our 100s. Just what we need – a youth pill that can wipe away all of our bad genes, bad eating habits, and bad luck. And it might be...
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Listen up, dog

July 16, 2010
Listen up, dog

Guelph Mercury, 14/07/10 Here’s the thing, dog. You’re cute as heck, and a lot of people really love you. But we need to talk. It’s time you’ve started pulling your weight around here. I know it’s tough being a puppy, what with all the napping, destroying gardens, chewing shoes and all that. At the...
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Great outdoors? No thanks, we’re Canadian

July 13, 2010
Great outdoors? No thanks, we’re Canadian

Guelph Mercury, 07/07/10 They’re the “the jewels of our country,” so says Environment Minister Jim Prentice. But we seem to care about our national parks less and less. Instead, we prefer the Great Indoors, where we are in complete control and out of the sunlight. No wonder so many of us are starting to...
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Auto Tune this column

June 30, 2010
Auto Tune this column

Guelph Mercury, 30/06/10 No, robots have not taken over your radio. It’s just the Auto Tune era, making its —hopefully—last few gasps for air. If you’ve accidentally stumbled on a pop song on the radio in the past few years, you’ve likely heard Auto Tune at work. It’s that comically artificial, mechanical singing sound...
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Fun sheriff cancels patio party

June 24, 2010
Fun sheriff cancels patio party

Guelph Mercury, 23/06/10 Let’s hear it for the fun sheriff. The Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario has crashed the party once again, and this time they’re after Guelph’s downtown sidewalk patios. The provincial agency that regulates alcohol sales in Ontario says downtown restaurants that have sidewalk patios not abutting their entrances are breaking...
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Steroids: coming to a gym near you

June 21, 2010
Steroids: coming to a gym near you

Guelph Mercury, 16/06/10 Back in March, police in Waterloo went looking for stolen property. What they found was a closet pharmacy that ended up sinking an entire football team. Three months later, players from the Waterloo Warriors stood in a hallway outside a press conference they were barred from, trying to keep from crying....
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Taking the man to (small claims) court

June 10, 2010
Taking the man to (small claims) court

Guelph Mercury, 06/09/10 Next time the man pushes you around, check your wallet. If you’ve got $75, you can fight back. Small Claims Court has been long called The People’s Court, but now it’s really starting to look like it. From medical negligence to car crashes and police brutality, the cases are piling up....
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Leaving the cave behind

June 2, 2010
Leaving the cave behind

Guelph Mercury, 02/06/10 A funny thing happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. I went to visit him and his wife at their new home, their first home, and was stunned by how nice it was. There was art on the walls, flowers on the table and nice dishes in the...
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Hey MPs: what’s the big secret?

May 26, 2010
Hey MPs: what’s the big secret?

Guelph Mercury, 26/05/10 Editor’s note: Apologies to Michael Chong for a mistake in an earlier version that made it appear he spent twice as much on travel as Frank Valeriote. Valeriote, of course, was in office for only half as long in that fiscal year. Math! Maybe they’re worried we’ll insist on car pooling....
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