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Where are the claws for pet owners?

September 15, 2009
Where are the claws for pet owners?

Guelph Mercury, 16/09/09 Cats do strange things to people. People like the Cat Lady of Kitchener, who gave over her house to hundreds of them and slept with goggles over her eyes to protect them from being gauged out. More on her later. But for now, let’s talk about this bitter feud that has...
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Run for your lives, the yuppies are coming

September 2, 2009
Run for your lives, the yuppies are coming

Guelph Mercury, 09/02/09 Just a short jog from the heart of downtown, in an overgrown, vacant lot near the Speed River, a tiny little battle is brewing. OK, it’s hardly a battle at all, more like a scuffle, but it’s just the kind of thing you’d expect in a city where some people don’t...
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Facts? That’s Wikidi-whacked!

August 26, 2009
Facts? That’s Wikidi-whacked!

Guelph Mercury, 08/26/09 Of course. Just when you thought things were right in the world again. It seems the folks at the Wikimedia Foundation, which govern one of the planet’s most popular websites, Wikipedia – perhaps you’ve heard of it – are putting an end to the party. The San Francisco-based non-profit, which started...
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Comeback kid tests positive for Geritol

August 19, 2009
Comeback kid tests positive for Geritol

Guelph Mercury, 08/19/09 See ball. Swing. Pop. Groan. Repeat. I’ve been playing baseball since I was shorter than the bat, but this is new. ‘This’ is that sudden, awful, painful sensation in my shoulder, the one that causes that popping sound. It comes with every swing now, announcing like a trumpet blast what I...
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Pave paradise, put up a parking lot…

August 12, 2009
Pave paradise, put up a parking lot…

Guelph Mercury, 12/08/09 Prepare for the occupation! I’ll bring the lemonade. Forget the Hanlon Creek Business Park protestors and their sleepover in the woods. That’s old news. Tomorrow night, residents concerned about the city’s plans to cut back Goldie Mill Park to make way for an expanded parking lot for 10-year-old violinists will meet...
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We’ve already got the land. Why not use it?

August 5, 2009
We’ve already got the land. Why not use it?

Guelph Mercury, 05/08/09 I’m sure the Jefferson salamander is a remarkable little creature. But I’ll bet $20 even it’s not cute enough to rally a city around a 675-acre plot of land that most of us have never set foot on. So it goes without saying the well-intentioned folks who packed a Guelph courtroom...
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Barefeet and a heartbeat

August 1, 2009
Barefeet and a heartbeat

Guelph Mercury, 29/07/09 What are you looking at me for? Nothing to see here – just a wayward columnist walking barefoot into a fancy downtown hair salon, like some homeless gypsy blown in by the wind. Nothing unusual about that. At least there wasn’t anything especially unusual about it – until he returns twenty...
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Behold the humble hot dog

August 1, 2009
Behold the humble hot dog

Guelph Mercury, 22/07/09 Mankind has made a lot of wonderful things – the wheel, single malt scotch, the push-up bra. But his most perfect invention just might be the humble hot dog. Yes. It is probably nature’s perfect food, with a little help from man. Step aside bananas or eggs or whatever imposter makes...
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