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Trampled under foot

January 13, 2010
Trampled under foot

Guelph Mercury, 13/01/10 We spend most of our time trampling over them, taking for granted that they’ll always be there, underfoot, when we need them. And sure, they’re not much to look at. Flat, heavy slabs of concrete that are about as unsexy as it gets. But sidewalks are as big a part of...
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The bearded wonder strikes again

January 7, 2010
The bearded wonder strikes again

Guelph Mercury, 06/01/10 Abraham Lincoln had one. ZZ top had ’em. Heck, Jesus practically invented them. So, the thinking goes, having one would put a man in good company, right? I’m talking, of course, about beards. Those fuzzy jaw warmers that grow right out of your face like some kind of prickly Chia Pet....
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2010: You read it here first

December 30, 2009
2010: You read it here first

Guelph Mercury, 30/12/09 These are confusing times. But relax, dear readers. If poorly-paid newspaper columnists are good at anything, it’s telling you exactly what will happen before it happens. So get out your notepads. Without further delay, here are the Mercer Retort’s predictions for 2010. 1) The young woman who tackled Olympic torchbearer Cortney...
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Free the Olympic torchbearers!

December 16, 2009
Free the Olympic torchbearers!

Guelph Mercury, 12/16/2009 Somewhere deep inside a frozen mountain near Whistler, B.C., lays a list hidden in a dark cave guarded by heavily-armed figure skaters and other lugers. It’s not just any list. In fact, it’s The List. And the paranoid people running Canada’s Olympic celebration don’t want you to see it. The List...
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Let’s bring the stores back to the Ward

December 9, 2009
Let’s bring the stores back to the Ward

Guelph Mercury, 09/12/09 If you squint just right, you can almost see this place the way Tom Bradburn remembers it. You’d believe the street that runs past his tiny vintage car shop at a fork in the road in Guelph’s old Ward neighbourhood used to be one happening stretch of asphalt. From a triangle...
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They banned handheld devices, but are we safer?

December 2, 2009
They banned handheld devices, but are we safer?

Guelph Mercury, 02/12/09 Why is everybody suddenly driving with their heads down, staring at their crotches? No reason, officer. But I can tell you this much. We are not hiding the fact we are still texting. No sir. Ontario’s new handheld device law for drivers is well-intentioned. It’s for our safety, and who can...
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Times are changing: let the businesses back in

November 27, 2009
Times are changing: let the businesses back in

Guelph Mercury, 25/11/09 When Schippling’s Bicycle Service first opened for business, it fixed wagon wheels and other funny things that you can only see now on Anne of Green Gables re-runs. It was 1908. Schippling’s was still a few years away from getting into the mode of transport that would become its namesake: bicycles....
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W.C. Wood’s obituary was already written

November 18, 2009
W.C. Wood’s obituary was already written

Guelph Mercury, 18/11/09 So long, W.C. Wood. When the bad news hit that one of Guelph’s most recognizable manufacturing dynasties was saying goodbye to the town it has called home since 1941, it prompted glowing tributes to our city’s golden days of manufacturing. You know, back when we used to make stuff that went...
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