Let’s just not talk about it, OK?

April 28, 2010
By

Guelph Mercury, 28/04/10sex ed

Whew. That was close.

Our kids almost got more education about s-e-x. Yeah, I know. Can you imagine? But for now, at least, we can rest assured our kids won’t get any information about that dirty, sinful business. We can be certain they will remain perfectly innocent and ignorant.

I’m referring, of course, to the work on our behalf by ethnic and religious groups, like Catholic parent coalitions, to pressure Premier Dalton McGuinty off his plan to modernize Ontario’s sex education curriculum.

The new curriculum would have taught Grade 1 students the correct terms for genitalia. And that’s just gross. Everyone knows our bodies are shameful and weird, and we ought to not talk about them without using funny nicknames.

Also under the proposed changes, in Grade 3, students would have learned about homosexuality and, in Grade 6, they’d learn about masturbation. Talking about anal and oral sex were part of the Grade 7 lesson plan. Gross, gross, and more gross.

Thankfully, groups like Somali Parents for Education, the Institute for Canadian Values and Parents for Keeping our Kids in The Dark all made it clear they don’t like sex, and neither should their kids. So they wailed. And they screamed. And they got their way.

McGuinty did what any politician facing the slightest bit of opposition would do. He flip-flopped and promised never again to propose something slightly controversial only a year and half away from an election.

Most people were shocked at the way the new curriculum seemed to come out of nowhere, considering the government only consulted with the public for three years before they sprang this filthy stuff on us. Genitalia? Imagine.

Some of the curriculum’s most vocal critics, such as Canada Christian College president and evangelist Charles McVety, cried that the new curriculum was pandering to “a special-interest group” of homosexuals. McVety knew that the gays were out to corrupt our kids’ impressionable minds, and if they weren’t stopped, would next try to institute peekaboo leather chaps and mustaches as school uniforms.

Someone had to stop this madness, and McVety took a stand. Just like he did when he tried to repeal the Canadian law that legalized same-sex marriage. Or when he explained that a carbon cap and trade system to reduce climate change would “fund the one world government of the Anti-Christ.”

McVety was the same concerned citizen who railed against Ottawa’s decision to allow Egyptian mobile phone company Wind to operate here, saying that it was akin to appeasing terrorists. So, clearly, he’s a guy that knows what he’s talking about. Good thing he’s apparently calling the shots in Ontario’s school curriculum.

What this whole thing taught McGuinty is that parents want to be in control when it comes to talking about that, you know, all that gross stuff. Our kids won’t get pregnant, get any STDs or start sexual relationships until we say so. And we’ll say so on our terms.

So don’t worry. We’ll get around to having the s-e-x talks that our kids need. Eventually. Sort of . . . I mean, hey — what’s that on TV?

Greg Mercer is a Guelph-based writer. His column appears Wednesdays. He can be reached at greg_mercer@hotmail.com, and past columns can be read at gregmercer.ca

One Response to Let’s just not talk about it, OK?

  1. Marian Garner on May 13, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Dear Mr. Mercer,

    In response to your article of Wednesday, April 28, telling us that just not talking about it (sex of course) is OK, I would like to ask if you would please publish the quote where Premier Dalton McGuinty ‘promised never again to propose something slightly controversial —–‘.

    Now, may I ask what gives you the right to tell the parents of Ontario that our ‘kids’ need more sex education from the government? Please tell me, if you are married and if so how many children and grandchildren do you have?

    Mr. Mercer, I have a few other questions for you. How much more are we teaching today than we taught 50 years ago, about sex that is? During the same 50 years has divorce gone up or down? Sexual assaults, gone up or down? Child molestation, up or down? How many sex offenders have been rehabilitated, by the government, never to offend again? How do you think what we have been doing for the past 50 years has been working?

    Now I would like to take exception to some of your assumptions. ‘Everyone knows our bodies are shameful and weird, and we ought to not talk about them without using funny nicknames.’ Really? Well not ‘everyone’ because I have 3 children, 8 grandchildren and 1 great-grandson and not one of them has ever been taught a funny nickname for a body part. By my math that makes 13 of us who aren’t included in your ‘everyone’.

    ‘So they wailed. And they screamed. And they got their way.’ Could I explain to you how our government works. We vote, we pay and every once in awhile we speak. This would be one of those times. It is called a democracy. ‘He flip-flopped.’ I don’t think so. The way I understand it we call this democracy. ‘What this taught McGuinty is that parents want to be in control when it comes to talking about that, you know, all that gross stuff.’ Yes sir, parents obviously do want to be in control and yes you go ahead and call it ‘all that gross stuff’ if you want to, but please do not do it in a way that infers that would be the way these parents would refer to sex.

    Sincerely,

    Marian Garner

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